Wrong

I know it's a lie but I want to be strong enough to let it go. Strong enough to stop wanting what I can't have. Strong enough to not care...but I do...

My Heart

Time

Sometimes

Taste

Swimming in Love

Arguing With Myself

Watch Over

Watch over, from afar

You could be closer 

But it's just who you are

Hold onto the distance if you must

Even if I wish you could leave your heart to me, with trust

 

Keep watching, even if you can’t say

Though, I hope you will someday

I’m okay. 

So long as you stay

Please don't quit your watch

Even if you have found a more appropriate match 

I'd feel your eyes disappear 

creating a void I could not bear

We can pretend forever 

As long as this connection does not sever 

So watch over and know that I know

And that I promise to never let feelings show

Unless someday you ask

Until then I will wear the mask

Pretending to be blind

but knowing your eyes are never far behind.

If You Knew

If you knew

What I could do

What I would do

                   To you

My hands and my lips would tease you, please you, know you by memory...and worship every last inch of you, until you could take no more.

If you knew 

My body craves

My body needs

                       You too

There would be no going back once it had a taste. The hunger would be insatiable. It would have to have you constantly, wanting you anywhere and everywhere, pulling you into closets, locking doors, pushing you against walls, pulling you onto desks...flames would consume us every time.

But

You don't know...

                         Do you?

No Boundries

I long for your arms to be wrapped around me, my head on your shoulder and no more space between us. 

No more rules. No more caution. No more uncertainty. No nervous blushes.

Just us. Just holding each other. No longer afraid. Not acknowledging what might happen. Just feeling each other's warmth, for as long as we both want.

Is that really such a scary thing? 

Yes, I guess it is. 

Asleep on My Shoulder

This is a moment you can't get get back, if you miss it. When your son falls asleep next to you, with his head on your shoulder, it's a moment you don't rush to end even though you need to put him to bed if you are ever going to get a good nights sleep. It's a little thing but really it's the biggest. It's a thing you can't do by phone. And it's something you can't fit into a short visit, because it's just one of many small things. Little things that happen everyday that no photo or story will ever bring back to you, these are the rewards of being a parent. And such little things are more precious than any other thing in this world.

So I guess that's why I don't understand. I just really can't comprehend someone...choosing to miss them...

Sketching Life

I was literally sketching a face from memory...possibly of my crush. Yes I literally have the heart of a fifteen year old! Or maybe it's just my coping mechanism, to dream about someone I can't have. But I digress! I was looking at the rough scratches I had laid down and the words below just floated through my head.

When you're over a certain age, it's hard not to feel like major life changes start you back at the beginning. But really, all the choices we make, are sketches. We may have to erase some people, add others, find the color that makes our lives beautiful, but the outline will always be a part of us. Someday, we will see the whole picture...

Friendship

It will always be enough...to feel otherwise is simply selfish.

It's not pathetic to care about someone, just because they don't feel the same way about me. 

And I do. I care for real. It'll never stop and I'm glad, because...

friendship will always be enough.

Quote on egg from Malice in Wonderland

Blind

How will I ever see past him?

After seeing his flaws, why does his image only grow, blocking out the view of all other men?

It's sad really, because it's very likely he doesn't see me that way, yet my heart is not fettered. My heart dreams away, fading my vision, dimming all other men to a dull grey. He is in technicolor, so bright and vivid and blinding.

My mind should know better. I'm not a silly teenager anymore. My faith and trust have been battered and broken, so how can I accept my heart's dreams? Why does my mind not stomp out those naive hopes, and make my heart listen to reason? Why does it not remind me he ignores me, doesn't have time for me and doesn't see me that way? 

Why can't my mind clear my vision, to let anyone else in?

With all of my intelligence, my heart still steers the ship. And even if it doesn't make any sense, even if all signs point to forever friend zoned, there's still that part of my heart that believes in John Hughes' happy endings. An ending where I was the one all along...

Such a pitifully stupid heart I have...to believe such nonsense. But it does, beyond all reason, and so I may forever remain blinded by his technicolor, past which all that's left is grey.

Hope in Darkness

Deep inside, where no light reflects, but can only be produced from within,

Deep inside, beyond the pain, beyond what angers, beyond the betrayal, deep within its chambers, 

Deep inside, something shimmers, something quivers, something longing to get out. 

Deep inside, feel its heat. Let it spread, let it fill the cracks, mend the breaks and sooth the aches. 

Deep inside, is such a small light, but its powers are immense. 

Deep inside It glimmers and pain begins to lessen.

Deep inside it glows, making pride grow.

Deep inside it shines and loss is put to rest.

Deep inside, beneath the pieces, beneath the struggle, a faint light is urging the thrum to continue, 

Deep inside it is insisting the mangled form to beat, even when all you can see is darkness.

Deep inside, is why you will make it, 

Deep inside, this I know for sure, because...

Deep inside a broken heart lies a bit of hope. 

JYM

You're So Vain

You're so vain you probably think these [blogs] are about you, don't you, don't you? (Carly Simon)

Maybe you're right...maybe some of them are about you. But if you're reading this, maybe you should stop stalking and start talking!! 

;)

For all those with unrequited crushes out there!! 

JYM

Les Miserables - On My Own

All time favorite! I sound better in this vid but well I did it on a whim so I'm not cuted up. Hahah

But this is what single mom's do. The lyrics I mean. Because even if we find someone, they have to fit so many prerequisites, we have to be willing to spend time away from our children AND they have to want to be a part of the madness!!!

So this is the all the beautiful single moms who only can dream for now...

Rosebud

JYM

Burn

Heat, searing beneath the skin, aching and burning alone with no fire.

You be flint and I'll be rock. Let's make a spark, build a fire and burn together...forever

JYM