My Heart

Little Heart

Watch Over

Watch over, from afar

You could be closer 

But it's just who you are

Hold onto the distance if you must

Even if I wish you could leave your heart to me, with trust

 

Keep watching, even if you can’t say

Though, I hope you will someday

I’m okay. 

So long as you stay

Please don't quit your watch

Even if you have found a more appropriate match 

I'd feel your eyes disappear 

creating a void I could not bear

We can pretend forever 

As long as this connection does not sever 

So watch over and know that I know

And that I promise to never let feelings show

Unless someday you ask

Until then I will wear the mask

Pretending to be blind

but knowing your eyes are never far behind.

If You Knew

If you knew

What I could do

What I would do

                   To you

My hands and my lips would tease you, please you, know you by memory...and worship every last inch of you, until you could take no more.

If you knew 

My body craves

My body needs

                       You too

There would be no going back once it had a taste. The hunger would be insatiable. It would have to have you constantly, wanting you anywhere and everywhere, pulling you into closets, locking doors, pushing you against walls, pulling you onto desks...flames would consume us every time.

But

You don't know...

                         Do you?

See

You can see me but I can't see you.

It's not fair.

But hiding seems beneath me.

Maybe I want you to see,

even if you don't let me.

Little Crush

Don't look at me with those sweet brown eyes, filled with sadness and expect me not to want you just a little. A taste so small is all I'd ever dare take. I can imagine just how delicious that small bite would be, but I'd never keep you. You're not yet done baking. 

So don't speak to me with such wisdom, about things so close to my heart and expect me not to blush.

With how sweet and caring you are, how can I avoid this little crush? 

I don't think you really mind. So thank you for this pleasant yearning, it is so sweet and manageable. I'm so grateful for this painlessly warm connection that I hope will not change or break...

but know those brown eyes make me want to cross lines; I hope you will avert them, never letting me make such a tempting mistake.

JYM

Chase Your Dreams

I'm still chasing my happy ending with every intention of catching it. 

Covers

Kinda been letting my OCD get the better of me this week. But I'm not letting myself feel ashamed this time. I hope this will remind others to let themselves off the hook too.

Duct tape

Just me trying to be clever. Yeah I know it's not clever to accidentally make duct tape one word, but I'm embracing my imperfections. Why must we always be perfect? Or maybe I was too lazy to make a new one...the world will never know. :)

Where were you?

I remember an episode of My So Called Life, that referenced how everyone's parents could tell you the exact place they were when they learned President Kennedy was assassinated. At the time of the teen drama's airing, our generation did not have a moment like that. A moment that shook the country into a collective state of shock and grief. 

And then on September 11, 2001, suddenly we did. 

I remember exactly where I was. I remember waking up and seeing the flames from the first crash billowing off the building from the wind. I remember the confusion, because there was a space in time that we did not know it was an attack. And then the second plane hit, live on the air. It was not an accident. The plane crashed through all of us, filling the nation with sorrow, anger and fear.

My then boyfriend (now ex husband) and I, huddled together that morning in our bed watching in horror. I begrudgingly dressed for work. I was afraid, and sad and paranoid about what would have the night before seemed silly. I was afraid to leave, not knowing if bombs were going to start falling. It was such a strange idea. This doesn't happen here! Not in my country! I kissed my boyfriend goodbye, worrying about not seeing him again.

My mother worked for the IRS in a federal building. I worried all morning until they sent her home early.

That day altered us, but something magical happened that day too. Suddenly, we united as a nation. Flags were everywhere!! People remembered how much we loved our country. It lasted over a year at least and is still revitalized on this day every, September 11th. It's not as strong. Hearing the song God Bless America doesn't bring people to tears like it did those first few months, but it still resonates. 

Our country is flawed but I will still stand up and say I'm proud to be American.

My heart and prayers go out to all the families that were and have been affected by that horrific attack. You will never be forgotten...

On this day, we will all remember the fallen, while we ask God to bless the USA!!!

Asleep on My Shoulder

This is a moment you can't get get back, if you miss it. When your son falls asleep next to you, with his head on your shoulder, it's a moment you don't rush to end even though you need to put him to bed if you are ever going to get a good nights sleep. It's a little thing but really it's the biggest. It's a thing you can't do by phone. And it's something you can't fit into a short visit, because it's just one of many small things. Little things that happen everyday that no photo or story will ever bring back to you, these are the rewards of being a parent. And such little things are more precious than any other thing in this world.

So I guess that's why I don't understand. I just really can't comprehend someone...choosing to miss them...

Sketching Life

I was literally sketching a face from memory...possibly of my crush. Yes I literally have the heart of a fifteen year old! Or maybe it's just my coping mechanism, to dream about someone I can't have. But I digress! I was looking at the rough scratches I had laid down and the words below just floated through my head.

When you're over a certain age, it's hard not to feel like major life changes start you back at the beginning. But really, all the choices we make, are sketches. We may have to erase some people, add others, find the color that makes our lives beautiful, but the outline will always be a part of us. Someday, we will see the whole picture...

Feelings

Leave it Behind

Write 'til it hurts

Cry, shake, ache, want be...

Be who you are.

Love yourself through your 

self loathing.

Don't die inside, 

by letting the zombies of the world, eat at your pride.

You are valuable.

No dollar can define you,

no lover can mangle you, 

and the lack of either, 

shall not drown you.

Sleep like a sloth,

think in a mess...

Then

Get up, "head up...get to the other side," (A Friend).

Keep safe,

and leave self hate,

behind!

Hope in Darkness

Deep inside, where no light reflects, but can only be produced from within,

Deep inside, beyond the pain, beyond what angers, beyond the betrayal, deep within its chambers, 

Deep inside, something shimmers, something quivers, something longing to get out. 

Deep inside, feel its heat. Let it spread, let it fill the cracks, mend the breaks and sooth the aches. 

Deep inside, is such a small light, but its powers are immense. 

Deep inside It glimmers and pain begins to lessen.

Deep inside it glows, making pride grow.

Deep inside it shines and loss is put to rest.

Deep inside, beneath the pieces, beneath the struggle, a faint light is urging the thrum to continue, 

Deep inside it is insisting the mangled form to beat, even when all you can see is darkness.

Deep inside, is why you will make it, 

Deep inside, this I know for sure, because...

Deep inside a broken heart lies a bit of hope. 

JYM

Rosebud

JYM

Drowning

Confusion, pain, despair, yearning. 

Mess, so much mess to clean up.

Wanting what I can't have, ignoring life rafts waiting for a ship heading in the wrong direction.

This is drowning.

Take a breath. You're strong enough to find the shore.

By 

JYM