After nearly 2 years the judgment was signed about two weeks ago. It's official. I'm single.
The last year was hard, so many mixed feelings and anger. There is still plenty of anger but I never expected sadness when finally holding that decree in my hand, telling me it was done. 10 years, 10 months of marriage and 3 years of dating all undone with a simple signature and stamp.
I cried that day. I didn't know why. After all the disappointment I knew I did not want my ex-husband back in my life, my home, or my heart. So why was I sad?
I realized, that I, like my son, was mourning my little family that I had taken such pride and comfort in. My son snuggling between us saying he wanted hugs too! Family dinners. Family vacations. Struggling to make ends meet, but struggling together.
I'm now holding only two of the three pieces of my broken home. There are chips, so they don't always fit like they used to, causing new cracks. I pull out the glue and so carefully piece us together, only to have them ripped apart whenever the glue dries.
But I'm fighting, and I'm surviving! I'll always miss my little family but I'm loving my new smaller one.
I wonder if a third piece will ever fit together with us, but I love my new little family, with all its cracks and malformations; I do not need that piece so I will accept nothing but the perfect fit and am content if I never find it.
The last year was hard, so many mixed feelings and anger. There is still plenty of anger but I never expected sadness when finally holding that decree in my hand, telling me it was done. 10 years, 10 months of marriage and 3 years of dating all undone with a simple signature and stamp.
I cried that day. I didn't know why. After all the disappointment I knew I did not want my ex-husband back in my life, my home, or my heart. So why was I sad?
I realized, that I, like my son, was mourning my little family that I had taken such pride and comfort in. My son snuggling between us saying he wanted hugs too! Family dinners. Family vacations. Struggling to make ends meet, but struggling together.
I'm now holding only two of the three pieces of my broken home. There are chips, so they don't always fit like they used to, causing new cracks. I pull out the glue and so carefully piece us together, only to have them ripped apart whenever the glue dries.
But I'm fighting, and I'm surviving! I'll always miss my little family but I'm loving my new smaller one.
I wonder if a third piece will ever fit together with us, but I love my new little family, with all its cracks and malformations; I do not need that piece so I will accept nothing but the perfect fit and am content if I never find it.
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